I shared a story recently about how Christ can sometimes communicate to us through many ways, and in normal life these things stand out and change the way we are living, or remind us of something we must do or say. This is my example.
About two months ago I was struggling to merge my Orthodox and Secular life together. I had only been Baptised and Chrismated for a few months, and was becoming annoyed by work calling me my Pre-Baptism name, and many other things like this were annoying me.
I knew I needed to Confess this feeling as I was becoming resentful, and even hateful. I was struggling to communicate with the people who were frustrating me with love. However, I wasn’t sure how to express this during Confession as it was rather broad. So I left it. It was becoming intolerable and I was irritable at work, home and even at Church. Yet, I still did not confess this because I felt unable to do it clearly.
One day at Church a woman who was going up to Confession stepped back and asked me if I would like to. I politely refused, and let her go first, and then didn’t Confess because I still felt too muddled up to express it. I spent the whole of Liturgy dwelling on it and feeling bad.
The Liturgy went smoothly as always. While going up to receive the Eucharist I couldn’t help feel I should not receive because of needing to Confess this Hatred in me. I ignored it, let my Fiancee receive before me, and then attempted to receive myself.
When My Father put the spoon in my mouth and said my name, the Eucharistic bread literally rolled from the centre of the spoon, off the spoon and perfectly back into the Chalice without a single drop going anywhere except the Chalice. What was left on the spoon was a crumb and a drop.
I received this and kissed the Chalice. Grateful I received anything, rather than nothing at all. As the Liturgy went on and ended, I was barely there. Mostly just lost in thought and feeling terrible. I couldn’t help but feel unready and unworthy. I had been told so by the Lord.
The following Sunday I Confessed my Hatred, and my Father gave me some stern but comforting words which helped me greatly. That day I received the Eucharist with no problems, and was truly grateful to receive my full portion which the Lord had deemed me worthy of and ready for.
This was me being quite literally told by the Eucharist, you’re not worthy and need to repent. I’m grateful that I am shown and spoken to by our Lord in such a way. I feel loved that I can be so corrected and in such a way, and also allowed to come back in Repentance. God Save me and keep me, a Sinner.
To the Reader:
Have a Blessed day and may God Bless you and your Family.